For me, the torments of menopause have combined and magnified impatience with another word that starts with "i" - irritability. Whereas I used to get severely irritable once a month for a few days with PMS, with menopause it was like I had PMS the whole damn month. (I am using the past tense of "it was like I had PMS" because the natural-source thyroid hormone I started almost three weeks ago seems to be helping - fingers crossed.)
The "I Factor" (which is what I call my irritability) kind of crept up on me and my husband. I didn't realize how pronounced it was getting until our best friends, B. & S., came to spend a week with us in Mexico last winter. They were really diplomatic and supportive about the changes they were noticing, but they did let us know we weren't our usual selves.
Now, no one would expect us to be stress-free considering what had been going on in our lives for the past two years (a serious range of issues and adversity which I've detailed in other blog posts), but it was a good wake-up call to realize we were allowing the circumstances to change who we are and how we are. Of course, I didn't develop this insight all at once...it only started to hit home after what I call "The Great Maui Jim Meltdown - Part One".
We'd had a lovely afternoon and evening in the beachtown of San Pancho, Nayarit, Mexico (north of Puerto Vallarta). After four previous, failed attempts to have dinner at this Conde Nast-recommended restaurant "Mar Plata", we finally got in for dinner there with B. & S. The challenge has been that San Pancho is in a different time zone - an hour behind Puerto Vallarta - and we had always happened by too early to get in for dinner or even make a reservation. But, I had been determined to eat there, and persistence and some planning finally paid off.
We came up from the beach in time for our reservation, dusted the sand off our feet and put everything in the rental car that we wouldn't need to take into the restaurant. The sun was already setting so I left my new $300.00 "Maui Jim" brand sunglasses on the back seat. We locked the car and headed upstairs to the restaurant with great anticipation.
Mar Plata ("Silver Sea") is mostly open-air and has a lovely and unusual retro-nautical-inspired decor. The back walls are clad in the distressed metal from old ships, the ceiling is hung with myriad "estrellas" (star lights), and there is bold art and metal sculptures everywhere.
We were seated at a table for four that was made out of a weathered old door - the dips and recesses of the distressed panelling meant you had to be careful putting down your wine glass! The menu was oriented towards fine cuts of beef done a variety of ways with French inspired sauces, "frites" and side dishes of deliciously seasoned vegetables. It was well worth my continuous efforts to dine there.
Back into the rental car after dinner, with S. taking the wheel (as she was pregnant and not drinking we had a built-in designated driver). This meant my husband was getting into the back seat with me - in the pitch dark, and plunking himself down right on top of my fragile Maui Jim sunglasses that I totally forgotten I'd left on the seat.
He pulled them out from under his bottom and handed them to me. I l-o-s-t it. They were wrecked - not outright broken, but the frame was dislodged, bent, wonky and they no longer sat right on my nose/face. Three hundred dollars down the drain and 8 more weeks in Mexico ahead of me with no decent, polarized sunglasses to wear (and it's very hard to buy quality sunglasses down there.)
I (and my "I Factor") quickly ruined a fabulous dinner and evening by letting loose a searing rage of swearing (mostly starting with the "f" word) that put everyone into stunned silence. I knew it was over-the-top, but I couldn't stop myself. I wasn't swearing right at my husband, but he felt pretty implicated seeing as how the devastation of my pricey sunglasses was wrought by his buttocks! He has quite a track record dating back to 2005 of losing and/or continuously breaking his own expensive sunglasses, but this was the first time he'd been inadvertently involved in wrecking a pair of mine. I finally shut my mouth and silently pouted for the 40 minute drive back to our condo. B. and S. kindly made light of my breakdown and let it blow over. I think I sort of apologized for it the next day, and we moved on with our vacation - which was great.
The sunglass gods were kind to me because, just a couple of weeks later, we went to the 2010 Latin American Boat Show at the Riviera Marina Nayarit and there was a Maui Jim sunglasses booth! I got myself a brand new pair of Maui Jim's and all was forgotten (or so I thought).
Then, just last week, there was "The Great Maui Jim Meltdown - Part Two" at Moonshine Cove here on Mudge Island. My husband was trying to re-position our boat at the dock, by himself, with his 5 month old Maui Jim sunglasses hanging on the cord around his neck. He somehow got wedged around a barnacle-encrusted pile-on (pillar) and the sunglasses were completely crushed between his chest and the pile-on. I was just coming down the gangway to the dock with stuff to load onto the boat and witnessed an Oscar-worthy rendition of my own reaction from February - a stream of the "f" word uttered at the top of his lungs in complete and utter frustration and rage. Expensive sunglass destruction reaction deja vu.
I was totally sympathetic and just stood there slightly smiling, totally calm and understanding in the face of his upset - I had BEEN there and knew only too well how he felt. I'm also on thyroid meds now which is supposed to help with irritability. Must be working. And, I admit I was also thinking "Yay, it isn't just me who goes off her nut when her expensive sunglasses get broken!" I'm just glad B. & S. weren't around for this display though!
There's really nothing helpful you can say or do...except one thing - which is what I did when I got back to the city. I bought him a replacement pair of Maui Jim's and brought them when I came back to Mudge this weekend. We'll see how long they last.
Todo bien. (It's all good.)
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