My older sister, "Gigi", and I have been estranged since July 2009 when we had severe differences of opinion over handling the financial affairs of our ailing, widowed mother. (This has all been covered ad nauseum in other blog posts but, in a nutshell, Gigi's lived 3,000 km away for almost 30 years and rarely visited. She had next to no understanding of our mother's mental and physical state, and no sympathy for any aspects of my situation and the stresses of being the only family member handling everything for our exceedingly ill and difficult-as-hell mother).
Our mother died almost a year ago. I am executor, and my contact with Gigi is now limited to business-like updates on settling the estate and disbursing funds equally between us. I made sure lots of money flowed Gigi's way fast; she has been pretty quiet in 2010 and seems satisfied with how I've been carrying out my executor duties.
During the ugly and contentious e-mail exchanges of July 2009, when our relationship collapsed like a house of cards and Gigi revealed deep-seated, long standing animosities and grudges against me and my husband - HER husband also got in on the act. He chimed in with his scathingly critical opinions of John and me, and how we run our lives and spend our money.
It was outrageous. So, we stood up for ourselves and lobbed crap back as good as we got and, believe me, the lives and relationship of Gigi and her husband provided plenty of fodder for insults. All of which got the four of us exactly nowhere, except now we all know what we truly think of each other and our respective marriages.
It was very illuminating for me and, bottom line, I will no longer be semi-annually flying my sister out west (on my air miles) for free vacations at our Gulf Islands cottage, and I also required her to return the set of keys I had given her to our Mexican condo and retracted our standing offer of free tropical holidays.
Gigi's husband is a lot older than her (he's almost 80) and has been a severe, lifelong diabetic. He went on dialysis a few years back and his health has been steadily declining. He thought 2007 was going to be his last Christmas, so John and I flew east that year to visit them and just be supportive. We rented a car and stayed in a hotel for the week in order not to be any kind of a transportation or accommodation burden.
My brother-in-law survived Christmas 2007, as well as 2008 and 2009...but yesterday I get an e-mail from Gigi telling me he's now got gangrene (a common risk of severe, long term diabetes) and is facing amputation, as well as battling cellulitis. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone, but I really have no feelings about it. I simply responded that I wished them well in dealing with this distressing challenge.
Gigi wasn't there for me in dealing with our mother; she can't expect any great outpouring from me respecting her husband. It's a sad, painful and difficult situation, I am sure - but it's nothing to do with me. Not any more. The two of them forfeited their right to support from me back in July 2009. As Oprah says "When people show you who they are, believe them."
Todo bien. (It's all good.)
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