Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Shallow Thoughts

We're over two weeks in to our winter sojourn, and the time is approaching where I need to write more than just blog posts. I have set a goal to write at least a draft outline of a novel this winter, and it isn't going to write itself! I am going to have to get serious, and soon.

Daily blogging is good for getting into the habit of regularly writing, but it's like wading in the shallows near the shoreline, versus the type of deep sea diving that a book would require.

Actually, writing a book would be more like "free diving" where you really plumb the depths, going straight down with no equipment on and just the supply of oxygen in your lungs. S.C.A.R.Y. Yet people do it.

To use the free diving analogy, I'm on the boat, the tropical water looks warm and inviting, I think I'm prepared enough to try, and I have help standing by if I run into trouble. So why am I not in the water yet? I guess it's the difference between thinking I can do it, and believing I can do it.

Since I can't force belief, I will engage the "willing suspension of disbelief" and focus on banishing thoughts that I can't do it.

Todo bien. (It's all good.)

Monday, December 27, 2010

Be Careful What You Wish For

New Year's Eve is approaching here on the Bay of Banderas, and we will be ringing in 2011 with friends at their beachfront hotel. There is a local tradition of bonfires being set ablaze up and down the entire beach, and people congregating to watch all the fireworks around the bay at midnight.

Last year, we were introduced to the ritual of writing down your wishes for the coming year on scraps of paper, and then setting them alight by throwing them on the bonfire - releasing them to the universe to be fulfilled.

On December 31, 2009 I wrote down my three main wishes - 1) to start writing (I had already chosen a name for a blog or a book - "The Burning Woman"); 2) for the stress of caring for and managing my ailing and very difficult mother to be alleviated (she'd had a stroke a year before and been partially paralyzed and hospitalized ever since); and, 3) for my financial situation to improve (business had tanked due to the global economic meltdown).

I threw those scraps of paper on the bonfire and watched them flame up and disappear into sparks in the night sky.

Then I forgot about them.

Until a little over a week later, my mother died at her nursing home after setting herself on fire with a candle in the middle of the night. It's pitiful and gruesome in the extreme - I was completely horrified, and briefly considered changing my proposed blog/book name, which had somehow turned out to be prophetic. But I kept it as the title is about me, it is not meant to reference my mother or her tragic demise.

My sister and I are the sole beneficiaries of her estate, and my inheritance has helped me greatly at a time of economic distress.

When I finally started blogging in April, Vibrant Nation found me within a month and started republishing my posts.

If we do the bonfire wishes ritual this year, I am going to be really careful about what I write down and release.

Todo bien. (It's all good.)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Thank You Bethany Frankel

When my husband is up at the cottage, and I am working in the city, I tend to occasionally watch extreme-trash TV. I have not fallen to the low of watching "Jersey Shore" (I find that crowd and their behaviour beyond revolting), but I have stooped to "The Real Housewives..." franchise - mostly the Orange County crop and the New York clique.

I learned one thing of value watching those shows. Bethany Frankel gave a recipe for a "Skinny Girl Margarita" and I unconsciously tucked the information away.

I used to enjoy a margarita on the beach in Mexico, but since the advent of midlife weight gain and menopausal blood sugar issues, margaritas have been "off the menu" as the drink mix is pure sugar, and alcohol metabolizes to sugar as well. I try to restrict my sugar to 15-20 grams per day, and one margarita has around 40 grams of sugar. Knowing this has completely destroyed any potential enjoyment as sipping one would feel`like drinking a slow-acting poison.

Yesterday we walked the beach for a couple of hours and wound up at our favourite beach bar, "Mar y Sol" and, darn it, I felt like a drink to celebrate! But what to have? Out of nowhere, I remembered Bethany on "The Real Housewives of New York" at a bar ordering a shot of tequila, sparkling mineral watch, ice and cut limes, and throwing these all together for a lower glycemic margarita-style drink. I tried it and it was great! Refreshing, not cloying. Even John thinks he will switch to this in the future.

Muchos gracias, Bethany Frankel, for helping me to celebrate with much less sugar and less guilt. Today, though, I climb back on the wagon.

Todo bien. (It's all good.)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve

Everyone finds Christmas Eve exciting when they are a kid. The tree is decorated, the stockings are up waiting to be filled, and Santa is on his way. There is so much anticipation and suspense...it's hard to fall asleep and you're awake hours earlier than usual.

My parents admonished us not to wake them before a certain time (like 7:00 or 8:00), but we were allowed to get up and take our stockings back to bed. I would peel and eat my Japanese orange and start on the gold foil-covered chocolate coins (that were more wax than chocolate). Those were the standard stocking stuffers and all that could be fit inside.

I didn't know what a wretchedly small stocking I had until I was 31 and spending my first Christmas together with my future husband and his two kids. Their stockings were huge by comparison, although most people would probably consider them just a normal size.

John had an extra stocking amid his Christmas paraphenalia, a big red one...and he insisted I start using this stocking. Year after year he stuffed that stocking for me like he was trying to make up for the first 30 Christmases I'd had with my puny facsimile of a stocking. I got spoiled (but not ruined!).

But, over the past 20 years together, we've gradually left the Christmas stocking tradition aside and concentrated more on other aspects of the season.

We feel we have Christmas all year round in that we enjoy our lives, our friends and family, and our health and happiness, every single day. We don't put things off until a particular date or time of year; every day is a cause for joy and celebration.

In essence, we strive to create the feeling of Christmas Eve frequently in our lives, without all the stocking stuff. So, that makes today, December 24th, just another wonderful day in our life together, for which we are grateful.

Merry Christmas.

Todo bien. (It's all good.)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Routine: Blog, Jog and Grog

We are settled into a daily routine in Mexico - I call it "blog, jog and grog".

I start the day by writing a blog post, then we head to the "Club Albatros" for a workout, and spend the afternoon at the beach - which often involves a beverage. Although I call that part "grog", my drink of choice has been club soda.

I will confess to having a couple of sips of margarita here and there, but am still successfully resisting alcohol for the most part. I did indulge in one tequila shooter with fresh pomegranate, but who could resist?

And pomegranate is an antioxidant, right?

The no alcohol regime is simply to reduce consumption of empty calories and sugar (to encourage weight loss), and to rest my liver because that could be involved/related to the "attacks" I've experienced this year.

Reintroduction of regular exercise and resistance training is going well so far, too. Speaking of which, it's time to get on my gear and head to the gym.

Todo bien. (It's all good.)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Christmas with "Ralph"

Forty years ago, we spent a Christmas with family friends in Rose Bay, Nova Scotia. They were an older couple with a restored Cape Cod-style home situated right above the scenic little bay.

They had a son, quite a few years older than Gigi and me, who had a pet boa constrictor named Ralph. The son took Ralph out of his glass terrarium and slept with the snake at night. Gigi and I found this thoroughly gross and frightening; I don't like snakes at all.

Notwithstanding the snake, we had a lovely Christmas visit. Heavy snowfall blanketed the rural countryside, and an ice storm one night coated all the bare trees so the branches looked like they had been dipped in crystal.

I was 11 years old, and had access to an early version of a snowboard (I remember it was called a "Snurfer", for snow surfer). I used it to cut swaths through the virgin snow on the hillside up behind their house.

The house was very old and not well insulated. Gigi and I shared a room on the top floor (not quite an attic) and were given an electric blanket to put on the double bed to keep us toasty. We'd never used an electric blanket before, so this was quite a novelty. We snuggled under the covers on Christmas Eve, hoping that Ralph the snake would stay put in the son's bed. We fell asleep with visions less pleasant than sugar plums dancing in our heads.

I don't remember who started it, but in the wee hours we were both awake and screaming amid a messed up pile of our bedding. One of us had felt something snakey and we knew Ralph had found his way into our bed! It was complete hysteria until one of the adults figured out we had mistaken the cord of the electric blanket for Ralph! It took a while for the pounding of our hearts to subside.

Two years ago, when we started the addition at our cottage, my husband and I bought an electric blanket because our master bedroom in the addition was not going to be finished and insulated for a long time. Every time I made up the bed with the electric blanket I would think of that Christmas long ago and recall the "Ralph episode".

Last month we finally got the addition insulated and I packed away our electric blanket. But I know the memories it stirred will make me smile for years yet to come.

Todo bien. (It's all good.)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

And I'm Supposed to Care?

My older sister, "Gigi", and I have been estranged since July 2009 when we had severe differences of opinion over handling the financial affairs of our ailing, widowed mother. (This has all been covered ad nauseum in other blog posts but, in a nutshell, Gigi's lived 3,000 km away for almost 30 years and rarely visited. She had next to no understanding of our mother's mental and physical state, and no sympathy for any aspects of my situation and the stresses of being the only family member handling everything for our exceedingly ill and difficult-as-hell mother).

Our mother died almost a year ago. I am executor, and my contact with Gigi is now limited to business-like updates on settling the estate and disbursing funds equally between us. I made sure lots of money flowed Gigi's way fast; she has been pretty quiet in 2010 and seems satisfied with how I've been carrying out my executor duties.

During the ugly and contentious e-mail exchanges of July 2009, when our relationship collapsed like a house of cards and Gigi revealed deep-seated, long standing animosities and grudges against me and my husband - HER husband also got in on the act. He chimed in with his scathingly critical opinions of John and me, and how we run our lives and spend our money.

It was outrageous. So, we stood up for ourselves and lobbed crap back as good as we got and, believe me, the lives and relationship of Gigi and her husband provided plenty of fodder for insults. All of which got the four of us exactly nowhere, except now we all know what we truly think of each other and our respective marriages.

It was very illuminating for me and, bottom line, I will no longer be semi-annually flying my sister out west (on my air miles) for free vacations at our Gulf Islands cottage, and I also required her to return the set of keys I had given her to our Mexican condo and retracted our standing offer of free tropical holidays.

Gigi's husband is a lot older than her (he's almost 80) and has been a severe, lifelong diabetic. He went on dialysis a few years back and his health has been steadily declining. He thought 2007 was going to be his last Christmas, so John and I flew east that year to visit them and just be supportive. We rented a car and stayed in a hotel for the week in order not to be any kind of a transportation or accommodation burden.

My brother-in-law survived Christmas 2007, as well as 2008 and 2009...but yesterday I get an e-mail from Gigi telling me he's now got gangrene (a common risk of severe, long term diabetes) and is facing amputation, as well as battling cellulitis. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone, but I really have no feelings about it. I simply responded that I wished them well in dealing with this distressing challenge.

Gigi wasn't there for me in dealing with our mother; she can't expect any great outpouring from me respecting her husband. It's a sad, painful and difficult situation, I am sure - but it's nothing to do with me. Not any more. The two of them forfeited their right to support from me back in July 2009. As Oprah says "When people show you who they are, believe them."

Todo bien. (It's all good.)

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Hideout

Day 10 of our tropical winter escape has begun - another cloudless, azure sky overhead and a silvery glistening bay that stretches as far as we can see. I have my favourite cup of Mexican-style coffee in hand (brewed laced with "Cafe de Olla" - a mix of coffee, sugar, cinnamon, chocolate, anise and some other spices). Goes great with palm trees and sunshine.

Our little hideout is one of the top floor units in a modest little building (located in a great neighbourhood...I watch enough "House Hunters International" to know the importance of "location, location, location"!).


Some people are down here for the holidays with their families, some are down here to escape from their families, some would choose to be with family if they could swing it...but things like divorce, death, money issues, neglect, estrangement, and the like, all take their toll in our lives; these circumstances just come into sharper focus because of the time of year with its over-emphasis on togetherness. In our case, we're not avoiding anything or disappointing anyone, so can celebrate the season with a clear conscience.

But regardless of my clear conscience, my subconscious is apparently feeling the absence of family this season! Last night I had a vivid dream that I was contacted by a couple of lawyers from two different families who were each convinced I was a long lost relation (adopted out at birth?) and they wanted to connect with me, have DNA tests etc. I woke up before I found out where, in that dream, I might really hail from. In reality, there is no doubt I was never adopted - that was wishful dreaming.

Joining the "Club Albatros" worked out, and we've begun a daily cardio & weights routine at this lovely fitness facility-cum-country club. Other folks have started to arrive and take up residence in the other units at our hideout (#1), so it will be nice to have somewhere else nearby to go (hideout #2) should it get crowded around our little courtyard and pool.

It's time to hit the gym!

Todo bien. (It's all good.)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Mexican Musings

It's another glorious day on the Bay of Banderas. We have lots in store today, considering most days we have a completely empty agenda!

Our friends/neighbours, W. & A., from Ontario are coming over for dinner tonight, and I wanted to serve them a nice meal because they've had us over a few times. Their place across the street is at least 4 times the size of ours, so very suited to entertaining. It's something of a challenge to produce a decent meal for 4 in my micro-kitchen, but I can seat 4 people at our dining table, although it will be cozy.

It took 2 grocery shopping trips to locate all the ingredients I needed for my main course (beef stroganoff - best recipe ever that I have had since my university days when my pal Russell K. served it and completely changed my mind about what beef stroganoff was). And I made the "Mar-A-Lago Key Lime Pie" recipe from Oprah.com that I printed off and brought down south over a year ago (apparently this is the most requested dessert on the menu at Donald Trump's club in Palm Beach).

Because my kitchen is so teensy (and I didn't want to have the oven/stove on further heating up the place), I made things the day ahead - so it's basically a reheat and serve siutation, just cook the broad noodles and steam up the fresh veggies to accompany the main course.

This afternoon we're headed to the "Club Albatros" to see if we can strike a deal for just a 3 month membership to use this luxury fitness facility/country club (2 pools, tennis courts, work-out facilities galore, various classes, cafe/bar etc.). A neighbour named Brad is a member and has been helping to broker a deal for us at the club. We haven't met Brad yet, he just connected with us via e-mail when the club rep asked him to talk to us due to the language barrier. We look forward to meeting Brad and his family - he sounds like a super guy, and has been so friendly and helpful.

We've been in e-mail contact wishing a "merry one" to family and friends who are spread all over, from Maui, to California, to Canada...which reminds me I must send off a Christmas e-mail to our pals in Melbourne, Australia as well.

We're planning an overnight driving trip south to the "Cabo Corrientes" area at some point. W. & A. said they want to come to, so we'll plot about that some more tonight.

About the only other thing on my radar is to try and find a self serve laundromat. We have tried 4 different local launderies and they don't get things clean (linens/whites go yellow and grey, T-shirts have ring around the collar, yet bleach splotches turn up on your coloured clothes...I just don't get it). I want to do my own laundry!

Todo bien. (It's all good.)

Friday, December 17, 2010

Viva Mexico

A long walk on the Bay of Banderas beach yesterday revealed a couple of things.

I don't understand the Mexican economy...our town is deserted; the beaches and restaurants are still quite empty (it is early in the "season") - yet construction of new condos is booming. Who will be buying these places? Who has $400,000.00 or more to spend on one of these palatial, new vacation homes? Everything that had a "for sale" sign on it last time we were here is still for sale. If existing inventory is not moving, what are the chances that all this new real estate will find buyers? All I can think of to explain it is that drug cartel money must get laundered through real estate development projects!

Prices in the grocery store are also higher this trip (some things are 20-30% higher) and the cost of "Happy Hour" buckets of 5 beers have jumped. We've only had two meals out at our usual haunts, and one had a new menu - with higher prices.

Along with fatter prices, people seem fatter too - the tourists and locals alike all have spare tires (including us!). I worry about the health of all of us in countries that have an over abundance of processed, high-refined-carbohydrate, and high-fructose-corn-syrup-laden food. Maybe it's more noticeable in a hot climate where people are wearing less clothing/tighter clothing, but pretty much everyone over the age of 20 is overweight, be they Canadian, American or Mexican. We are all united in fat. I've been seriously wrestling with bringing my cholesterol and insulin levels out of the danger zone, so tend to walk the beach mentally diagnosing everyone heavier than me as walking strokes, or potential heart attacks, and future diabetics. Not exactly carefree thoughts!

We are "gym shopping" right now and hope to find a health club with the right amenities at the right price, so there will be less of us when we go home this spring. There is a June family wedding in our future, and I want John looking good in a tuxedo and me in a cocktail dress (with no unsightly bulges and less upper arm jiggles). We have our work cut out for us (I type this as John places a breakfast croissant sandwich in front of me that he has made - I guess the diet starts tomorrow!).

Todo bien. (It's all good.)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Sharing Eden

We're back in Mexico and the only people in residence at our six-plex. What a treat to have the place all to ourselves over Christmas and New Year's!

It's a small courtyard area and pool, so quite a luxury to be alone and not worry about encroaching on anyone else's space or quiet. We invested in a couple of really nice loungers and were looking forward to sunning and reading poolside in comfort.

Security concerns and neighbourhood burglary issues led our building manager to have someone on site all day keeping an eye on things. Our teenage maid who, ordinarily we'd see about 2 hours a week, is now here all day. She doesn't speak a word of English, and our Spanish is pretty much zero as well. So we are limited to exchanging uncomfortable smiles and nods. Her name is Elvira, but of course pronounced "El-Beer-Ah" in Spanish.

There's only so much cleaning to done, and the potted plants and garden are getting watered to death (the soil in the pots is a muddy slurry from being watered up to 3 times a day!) so poor "El-beer-ah" pretty much roams from suite to suite, or sits in a shaded corner of the courtyard...uncomprehendingly taking in everything we say and do.

I feel very sorry for her - stuck here all day with so little to do. She may not be literate as she doesn't bring anything to read. I brought her some Mexican gossip magazines yesterday from the supermarket (ones with lots of photos of celebrities and fashion in case she can't read) but couldn't tell what she thought of them.

But I feel even sorrier for us having to share our little Eden with a trapped teenager on security duty. We've sat on our poolside loungers once; I just can't relax with "El-beer-ah" huddled in a corner a few feet away, pretending not to notice us. And I can just imagine what she thinks of us lounging, drinking and eating, and floating in pool. We are probably giving her a very distorted idea of what Canadians are like ("rich and bone lazy" would be the logical conclusion for a Mexican teen).

I don't know how long this arrangement will last - the whole winter? Will El-beer-ah be here even when all 6 units are occupied? It's putting strange damper on our sunny escape. But, what did I expect? It's Mexico...it's always sumpthin'!

Todo bien. (It's all good.)